Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My Testimony

At tonight’s session of Introducing God, I gave my testimony of how I came to Jesus Christ and was born again. For those who are interested, here it is:

My spiritual journey began many decades ago when I was a little girl. I was born into a long line of devout Catholics, and growing up I followed the Catholic religion. By all outward signs, I was a good and devoted Catholic girl.

I had the best parents, the best childhood and the best upbringing ever. However, I always knew that something was missing. And I knew that that “something” was God. Even as a little girl, I was longing to feel close to God. Yet, despite all of my religious training and wonderful childhood, God remained hidden from me.

Growing up, my greatest ambition was to know God and become a singing, missionary doctor in Africa. This desire combined all of my deepest longings: my passion for singing, serving God by helping sick people, and doing all this in the most exotic and intriguing of places.

By the time I was hitting my 20’s, I had begun to turn away from the Catholic church. I found it boring and became disillusioned by my inability to find anything meaningful in its teachings. Worse yet, it had not led me to that relationship with God that I was seeking. I stopped going to church, and I fell in love with the world.

During the next 20 years, I got married, got divorced , got married again , and had 3 children. In my desperation to “feel” something, I would periodically return to the Catholic church. However, once again, I felt empty, and God continued to elude me. I thought about trying another Christian denomination, but my Catholic upbringing wouldn’t permit it, and I’d be right back to where I started.

Shortly after I turned 40, I had – what I call – a mid-life crisis. (Yes, women have these, too!) I looked at my life and literally asked myself: Is this it? Is this all there is? My life had turned into a cliché. Even though I had a life that many people would envy – successful job, husband, great kids, beautiful home – I was totally discontented. I was so unhappy and filled with regrets. What happened to my dream of becoming a singing missionary doctor in Africa? I had not taken one step in that direction. I felt an acute need to escape my life. Even though I tried to hide my lack of contentment, it soon became obvious to those closest to me. During this time, I entered into an inappropriate emotional relationship with a male acquaintance. I was causing my husband, Dennis, a great deal of agony. Our marriage took a quick downward spiral. I told Dennis that I needed “space” and that I wanted to move to Africa. (I think I almost caused him to have a nervous breakdown!) My children became worried about what was happening to their family. They begged me, “Mommy, please go back to normal.” This dark time of my life lasted for almost 2 years, and it was by God’s extreme grace that I remained with my family.

Also during this time, we got some new neighbors: Tom and Terry Preston. I got to know them and was amazed when I found out that they were members of Covenant Life Church. You see, I had taken an interest in the physical building when it was being constructed on Muncaster Mill Road. I was so curious as to what the building was, and once I found out it was a church, I was, for some reason, immensely attracted to it. I wanted to check it out, but my Catholic background would not permit it. However, my longing for God, which was always at the back of my mind, returned with a vengeance. At the time, I didn’t relate this to my discontentment, but I now realize that this was the very source of my restlessness.

One day, Terry told me about a course that Covenant Life offered called Alpha, which explained Christianity. Better yet, participants were able to discuss and ask questions about anything related to religion. When she asked if I wanted to attend with her (she was very tricky!), I immediately said, “YES.” “Oh my gosh,” I thought, “this is my opportunity see inside that huge church and, at the same time, maybe find some answers to what I have been searching for all these years.”

God was amazing to me during this time. Like Introducing God, after a wonderful meal there would be a talk, to which I would listen intently. Everything was new to me! Over and over again I would be astounded. “I didn’t know that!” “That’s what that means?” “Why hadn’t I learned that before?” It was like I was hearing about this stuff for the first time. I didn’t realize what role Jesus played in my salvation. Oh sure, I knew that Jesus had died on a cross, but I didn’t really understand “why.” I thought that since I was baptized as an infant and as long as I didn’t commit murder, I was going to heaven. I was shocked to find out that, indeed, this is not what the bible taught. And, that’s another thing, I had never even opened a bible before Alpha. This was an incredible book! I was now completely bewildered. How could I reconcile what I had been taught as a child with what I was learning now about the truth?

During my Alpha group discussion time, I asked every question I could think of. What about Limbo and Purgatory? How does the pope fit into all this? Don’t I have to be good to go to heaven? Even, what happens to pets when they die? My group host, Craig Barker, along with the other members of my group, were so patient with my questions and lovingly addressed each one. I was being drawn more and more to God, but I was stubbornly resisting his pull because of my prior religious teachings.

At the Alpha retreat, I felt God’s pull even stronger. I knew this was what I had been looking for my entire life. I now understood what it was I was searching for. The gospel – it made sense to me. Yes, I believed that the truth was to be found in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross and His totally unmerited favor on my life. I now had only to put my faith in Jesus, ask for forgiveness, and promise to live my life in obedience to God. During lunch that day at the Alpha retreat, my group asked me what was holding me back. It seemed like such a little thing, but it was huge to me. I wanted to go to Africa, and I didn’t want anyone to stand in my way, including God. Wow! It was so silly!! But my new Alpha friends helped me understand that God is an infinitely good God, that he has only good planned for my life, and that going to Africa could be part God’s plan. And if it wasn’t, then it is still for my good. I felt a stirring deep in my soul.

That afternoon during the time set aside for ministry at the Alpha retreat, I felt the Holy Spirit enter into my body as I gave my life over to the Lord. I let go of my past life and cried with joy for my new life. I thought I had been searching for God my entire life, but God actually had been calling me and drawing me to him.

It has been almost 12 years since that day. Twelve years of joy, peace and blessing. Twelve years of growing in my faith and getting to know God. My spiritual journey continues as I learn to love and obey God more every day. I look forward to the day when I see my savior Jesus face to face and a new journey begins.

Oh, by the way, I wanted to bring you up to date on my lifelong ambition of being a singing missionary doctor in Africa. Even though I do not sing professionally, I get to worship God in song every day. God has made me a missionary and given me as a mission field my own family and community. I never became a medical doctor, but I have the great privilege to care for my brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as unbelievers. And , as for Africa? Well, God has allowed me to travel there not just once, but twice. God has been so good to me!