“A Word to Husbands (And a Few More for Wives)”
1 Peter 3:1-7
Having been sick for the past several Sundays, I have missed about a month’s worth of messages at my church, Covenant Life Church. (Thankfully, I can listen to them online and will be doing just that over the next few weeks.) I was especially bummed that I missed the message two Sundays ago by senior pastor Josh Harris titled, “A Word to Wives,” on 1 Peter 3:1-6. This passage of scripture is about wives submitting to their husbands, a very unpopular notion in our culture today, even among many born-again Christians, including, admittedly, myself . However, if interpreted and applied biblically, it imparts value and dignity to wives, as well as brings glory to God. So, I was disappointed to have missed an opportunity to be reminded of this.
God, however, knew that I needed to hear this particular message on submission, so, this past Sunday, God graciously (“May God be gracious to us and bless us, and make his face to shine upon us, Selah.” ~ Psalm 67:1) allowed Pastor Josh to review these particular verses (1 Peter 3:1-6) before he continued onto verse 7, which addresses the husband’s behavior toward his wife.
So, here is a summary of this past Sunday’s message by Josh:
A Word to Wives
1. What Does It Mean To Be Submissive? (verses 1-6)
To Your Own Husband – Women are not told to submit to all men, but only to their husbands. This is not a statement of male superiority but of differing roles God designed in marriage.
Winsome Conduct – A wife’s winsome and beautiful conduct glorifies God and may win her husband to the Lord.
Respectful Conduct – A wife is to show regard and appreciation for the God-given role of her husband and to esteem his leadership.
Pure Conduct – This is conduct that is not manipulative or conniving, but pure and genuine in its motivation.
Overflow of the Heart – Wives are instructed to give more attention to their inner person than their outward beauty. Submissiveness is not merely a list of rules or outward compliance—it’s a disposition of the heart.
Gentle and Quiet Spirit – Commentator Peter Davids writes, “‘Gentle’ in the Greek world was an amiable friendliness that contrasted with roughness, bad temper or brusqueness. In biblical perspective the term indicates a person who does not attack back, for he or she waits on God to judge in the end; knowing God is just, the person can suffer evil without bitterness and vengeance.” He writes that the term ‘quiet’ conveys a “sense of being calm, peaceful, and tranquil as opposed to restless, rebellious, disturbed, or insubordinate…”
Based on Hope In God – A godly woman submits because her ultimate hope is not in her husband but in God. She knows that God is judge and that he will reward her.
2. Dr. Wayne Grudem writes: “Submission is an inner quality of gentleness that affirms the leadership of the husband.” To affirm your husband’s leadership is saying with your words and your behavior, “I support you. I believe you’re called by God to play this role. I am committed to making your plan a success. I’m here to be your helper.”
A wife will be never be successful by nagging, criticizing or nitpicking her husband into being a godly leader. But, a wife's faith and encouragement and support will transform him.
Nothing stirs a man’s heart to aspire to be a godly husband like the affirmation of his wife.
A Word to Husbands (verse 7)
1. Live With Her in an Understanding Way
Husbands, God is calling you to a lifestyle of growing in understanding and knowing your wife. Your position of authority is not a license to insensitivity. Your first task as a leader is to understand the wife God has entrusted to your leadership.
This involves listening to her, asking questions, and studying your wife. And this touches every aspect of your life together — from money and child-raising to the bedroom. Our tendency is to be selfish. Instead of listening and understanding, we want to fix things, to provide a solution and move on.
How can you work to understand you wife? Ask yourself and your wife the following questions:
o What are the unique aspects of who she is as a person (her strengths, weaknesses, goals, fears, interests)?
o What is her daily schedule? Is she carrying too much? Is it a burden?
o What are her daily burdens and cares?
o How and when does she like to communicate?
o What words and actions express love to her?
o What pleases her in the marriage bed?
o How do your personal strengths and weaknesses affect her?
o How do your decisions affect her?
2. Show Her Honor
Husbands are to show honor to their wives as the “weaker vessel.” What God is saying to husbands is: “Don’t use your physical strength as justification to mistreat your wife—instead, show her honor. Gently appeal to your wife from the authority of God’s Word.” And regardless of your wife’s response, you are called to live with her in an understanding way and to show her honor.
To honor your wife means to consider her significant, to esteem her and to appreciate her.
3. Why Husbands Should Live in an Understanding Way and Honor Their Wives
The first reason is that husbands and wives are equal recipients of the grace of eternal life. We should live in light of the Day the Lord returns: we must never treat our wives as inferior or as our servants, but as joint heirs of God’s grace.
The second reason is “so that your prayers aren’t hindered.” How a husband treats his wife affects his relationship and communication with God. If a husband abuses the authority that God has delegated and entrusted to him, then his fellowship with God will be hindered. God isn’t listening to the husband if he is not listening to his wife.
4. The High Calling of a Husband
“A Woman’s Question”
by Lena Lathrop
Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman’s heart, and a woman’s life—
And a woman’s wonderful love.
Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With the reckless dash of a boy.
You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman’s soul
Until I shall question thee.
You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God’s stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.
You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you’re wanting for socks and shirts –
I look for a man and a king.
A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that His Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: “It is very good.”
I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then ‘mid the falling leaves,
As you did ‘mong the blossoms of May?
Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.
I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.
If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman’s heart and a woman’s life
Are not to be won that way.
Lathrop’s poem was “written in reply to a man’s poetic unfolding of what he conceived to be a woman’s duty.” It went hand in hand with Josh’s sermon text for the day: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”—1 Peter 3:7
